Is Anyone Out There?

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Is is Monet? Is it Van Gogh? No, it's Nature.

Those of you who have been with me from the start know that this is a photo of sand and the impression of seaweed thrown about by the ocean (see Reality or Perception ). The photos I took that day are among my favorites and constantly set my mind in motion.

Take this photo, for example; it represents a patch of sand about 2 feet by 2 feet yet it emulates a large expanse of earth tapering on the horizon into the sky. And I find myself fascinated at how you see the same thing in small patches of sand as you do in vast expanses because nature repeats itself.

Once there, it's no leap at all to wonder if our earth is equivalent to that small patch of sand and may be repeated in grander scale elsewhere. My brain can't quite make that leap but I find myself looking at the stars at night and wondering...

...is anyone out there?

Nature repeats itself

and microcosms of nature emulate vast expanses.

Nature repeats itself.

The Things We Do For Love

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Oh, the things we do for love!

I bet we all know exactly what I mean and that we've all experienced those questions that freeze us in our tracks. For example, "Mom, will you come down this[insert incredibly high and long slide that ends in a teeny-tiny pool] water-slide with me?" And we've all thought something like: Are you absolutely bonkers? as we hear ourselves say, "Of course, sweetheart!"

But what fascinates me is that I think animals go through pretty much the same reasoning. I watch our children yank our poor dog around and dress her in some of the most ridiculous things and I 'see' her think, "Really? These children are bonkers!" But although she's perfectly capable of getting out of the situation, she stays there looking miserable and lets the children do what they want.

That is love.

And I find myself wondering how animals can feel such love for another species when so many people have a hard time accepting our own species if they are of a different color or ethnicity. And I'm humbled.

The things we do for love!

Size Matters

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I know you wouldn't expect such a title from me...but let me explain.

When he was little, our son was worried that he was short. For the last nine years or so he's been talking about growth spurts and anticipating his with excitement. Wherever we went, he measured himself; he's compared his hands to a polar bear's paws, his height to a dinosaur, and his weight to a manatee. And all this left him feeling small.

Dan and I have spent the last nine years repeating that size doesn't matter. But our son didn't buy into it. And, to be honest, I think he's right because I've realized that size DOES matter. Don't get the wrong idea; not your height or weight or anything else observable...but the metaphoric size of your heart! I believe that's what determines how big you are.

Think about it; when someone leaves an impression on you, they're likely to have done so because of their kindness or generosity, their compassion or empathy, their love or passion, or some other positive character trait that's associated with the heart. And in our minds, we visualize those people with a commanding presence irrespective of their actual stature.

So does size matter? Absolutely! But physical stature has nothing to do with how big someone is; it's the size of your heart that counts!

Stature has nothing to do 

with how big someone is.

Greater Than...

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Over and over nature shows us that whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

Take, for example, this photo of dead grasses in the sunset. Taken out of context the mishmash of dried-out vegetation isn't particularly inspiring. The sunset, without the grasses, is pretty but lacking in depth. But together they create something that's beautiful and awe-inspiring.

Don't you find that this is also true in life? In other words, don't you find that there are people whose personalities combine with yours to make something even greater? And don't you find that you're happiest when you're spending time with those people?

I think we all know there are people who bring out the best in us. But perhaps what we sometimes forget is that we bring out the best in them too. To put it simply, I believe we're doing ourselves a disservice if we live by the equation 'we = you + me'. Instead, we need to find people who help us attain 'we > you + me'.

Are you one of those people?

Spend time with people who help create the equation

'we > you + me'.

Jumping to Conclusions

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Things aren't always how they seem and it's important to gather all the facts so we don't jump to conclusions.

Don't you find in today's fast-paced life, that many adults tend to react to a situation before even analyzing it? So often they jump to a conclusion without having the whole picture, rather than draw a conclusion after careful analysis of all the information. Sadly, this leads to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and the erosion of relationships.

I was at the zoo recently when a visitor sounded the alarm at a baby elephant being attacked when, in reality, it was gleefully rolling about while its mother lathered on dust (elephant suntan lotion)! Thankfully, the alarmist didn't affect the elephants at all but one wonders about the health of her social relationships and the calmness of her life.

Jumping to conclusions has always been a behavior of youth as they try to make sense of the world. But it seems to be spreading to the adult population and that, in my view, is very dangerous!

Curb your impulse to react

until you have the facts.

Feelings

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When people share their feelings with us, do we listen? Or do we try to fix things for them?

Our children have taught me so much...but they had to work hard to help me learn this lesson! I'm a 'fixer.' So they'd share their sadness with me and I'd try to fix it. They'd share their anger or fear with me and I'd try to fix it. I didn't try to fix THEM, just IT - the situation. But still, it wasn't what they wanted or needed.

Our older daughter has a very special friend called Feeling Bear who helps her work through her problems. I've always encouraged her conversations with Feeling Bear when something was awry because I knew he'd help solve things. But it's only in the last year or so that I had an epiphany. Feeling bear doesn't fix things by making suggestions and comments (he's a stuffed toy, for goodness sake)! He helps fix things by listening! That's it! No more, no less.

So, although it's humbling to be taught a lesson by a stuffed toy, I finally get it; when people share their feelings with you, they just want you to listen!

When people share their feelings

they want you to listen - not fix things!

Time

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For Valentine's Day 2012 did you consider giving your loved ones the greatest gift of all? Time is something that can't be bought! Let's remember that as we get older, our knowledge grows, our influence grows, our wealth grows (and goodness only knows that our girth grows). But our time grows shorter!

Time has no empathy. Nothing can halt it as it marches on, resolutely counting down the moments in our lives. And the sooner we start making the most of our time with our loved ones, the better our lives become.

I work from home and was interrupted the other day by my youngest who wanted to share a song she'd created. I began to say, "I can't right now, babes, I'm working," when reason stopped me. In my dying days, will I remember my work or will I remember my children's eager and smiling faces? Will I clutch my publications in my weakening hands or will I find comfort in holding my children's hands? My last thoughts and memories won't be of a computer screen but of my beloved family!

We choose how to spend our time. As we do so, let's remember that as our age, knowledge, influence, and wealth grows our time grows shorter.

Happy Valentine's Day!

As our knowledge, influence, and wealth grows

our time grows shorter.

Believe in Yourself

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It's so important that we believe in ourselves and our abilities. And it's equally important to readjust our beliefs along the way.

A while ago, I had the crazy idea that I could paint. Each year there's a duck-painting competition and I thought, "How hard can it be to paint a duck?" So I bought my supplies (much to the amusement of the art store clerk who quickly figured out I didn't have a clue) and I painted. My half-finished canvas looked like a Paint-by-Numbers attempt by a seven year old and I figured that painting took a lot more talent than I had. So I readjusted my beliefs - and that's why I'm including a photo I took of a duck rather than my sad attempt at painting one!

Here's the thing; if you don't believe in yourself then you'll fail for certain. But be realistic. Believe in yourself and give it a go; but if you find out that you're not doing as well as anticipated then readjust either your expectations or your choice of activity.

In other words, believe in yourself - and bring along a healthy dose of realism too.

It's so important to believe in yourself -

and equally important to readjust those beliefs.

A Missed Opportunity

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Oprah missed her chance!

Our youngest child loves to talk and quite fancies herself as the next Oprah Winfrey. So she was delighted when we were at a wax museum recently and she could chat to her idol. And, had this opportunity arisen in reality, I suspect Oprah would have enjoyed chatting to our daughter too!

But life is full of missed opportunities and part of what defines us is how we deal with them. I look at successful people and see them double their resolve to create even better opportunities when one is missed. They don't give up; they don't even take time to lick their wounds. They focus on their goal and work diligently toward it.

And although the strategy may not always work as you hope, it surely will take you a lot further than playing the overly-popular Blame Game!

As far as meeting Oprah is concerned, I have no doubt but that our daughter will make it happen one day; she's focused on that goal!

Focus on your goal and work diligently toward it.

Imagination

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Have you ever seen an art piece and been awed at the imagination that created it? The more I look at nature, the more I think imagination is fostered by great observation skills.

For example, think of totem poles, kachina dolls, and witches; what imagination created such things? But now look at the photo I took of a dying saguaro cactus on a gloomy desert day and see if that makes it easier to understand the creation of these things.

I remember my high school art teacher advising us to look around for inspiration. But all I saw were desks and students. It took years for me to see the different pictures in the grain of wood and the different characters in faces.

Some people may be born with great observation skills; others of us may need life experience to help us along the way. But however we get there, our imaginations can take flight if we hone our powers of observation.

Imaginations can take flight 

if we hone our powers of observation.

Diligence or Luck?

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Samuel Goldwyn is credited with being the first to say, 'The harder I work the luckier I get.'

I used to think this quote meant that there was no luck involved in success, just hard work. But as the years passed I've reassessed my thinking and believe luck does play a role. I mean, look at Justin Bieber; he put a video on YouTube and WHAM! The rest, as they say, is history. 

But was it just luck for Justin? How much work did he put into increasing his chances of meeting good luck? Did he invest time, energy, and money into singing lessons? Did he perfect his craft by participating in choirs, bands, contests? How many videos did he send to people or post in different forums before he met his Lady Luck? How much careful and persistent attentiveness did he give to his craft.

For some, success may be 100% hard work and for others it may be 100% luck. But for the majority of us, diligence and luck go hand-in-hand; the more diligently we work the greater our chances of meeting good luck. 

The more diligently you work

the greater your chances of meeting good luck.

Privilege

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We all know that with great privilege comes great responsibility. I'd like to take that a step further.

So often in my travels I saw very young children having to work for a living to help make ends meet. Nothing leads to a better understanding of our privilege and responsibility than looking into the eyes of one of these less fortunate children.

Most of us take our privilege so much for granted that we can't even define it; we just know, without question, that we have:

Protection
Respect
Independence
Veracity
Information
Liberty
Expectations
Grace
Education

I suggest that with our PRIVILEGE comes the responsibility of doing our utmost to ensure all people in all lands have those same nine gifts.

With PRIVILEGE comes the responsibility

of helping others have the same.

A Lesson From...Flat Stanley

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Flat Stanley may be made out of paper but his influence is great.

For those who haven't met Flat Stanley yet, he's a story character whose parents mail him to his friend for a vacation. Across the world, 8-9 year olds draw and mail their own Flat Stanleys to friends and family in different places in the hope of receiving postcards to share with their classmates.

Because our three children are so close in age, my brother received three Flat Stanleys in four years. And each one was taken on a unique adventure. One walked the Thames (and almost got lost), another toured London (and had a narrow escape with pigeon poop), and the other learned to garden (and spent time in the hospital after breaking his foot playing soccer with a home-grown cabbage).

Our children were very popular in their classes during their Flat Stanley sagas. But what surprised us was how great the experience was for the rest of us also. Over two years after our last Flat Stanley was mailed, we still talk fondly and laugh often about their adventures.

And it reminds us that you don't need to be big in any sense of the word in order to be influential.

You don't have to be big

to be influential.

Gratitude

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Travel is very dear to my heart and many of the things I've seen over the years are carved forever into my memory and my soul.

Something that impacted me greatly was realizing how little people have and how grateful they are for all that they do have. Need has made both adults and children more resourceful and creative. Across continents, children make balls out of discarded rubber bands and they make cars and trucks from empty milk/beer cartons, sticks, and bottle tops. They make whole zoos from stones and sticks and a cardboard box can be so many things that you hit the mother-lode if you find one!

The older boy in this photo had found such a box and hid it from me when I asked if I could take his picture, fearing that I may take his box from him. And how the perspective of this photo changes when you realize it's not of two little boys but, rather, of two little boys and their precious cardboard box.

Perhaps we'd all be better off if we could learn to be grateful for what we have rather than ungrateful for what we don't have.

Be grateful for what you have

rather than ungrateful for what you don't have.

Reflections

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Perhaps there is nothing more beautiful than the reflection of trees in water. It brings a sense of peace and harmony and replenishes the soul.

Yet, each time I see such a reflection, my thoughts wander to how we ourselves are reflected in our children - and how that reflection may not be as beautiful as we'd like. I'm not saying that parents are responsible and accountable for all their children are and do. But how many times a day do we see a look, gesture, or act and hear phrases and intonations that exactly match our own? Each day I hear and see myself in my children and am determined to strive to make those reflections ones of which I'm proud.

Children are like little mirrors and reflect what they see and hear. Parents are not totally responsible for those reflections but I hope we make sure that at least our part of the reflection is beautiful.

Children are like little mirrors

and reflect what they see and hear.

Stand tall and proud

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For me, the best classroom in the world is nature and the best lessons come from watching animals in their natural habitats.

For example, animals don't skulk around trying to make themselves look smaller than they are; they stand tall and proud, even when faced with danger. When threatened by a predator, they make themselves look as big as possible and gather in groups so it's hard to tell where one animal ends and the next begins.

Animals have these behaviors innately. So why don't people? So many of us try to make ourselves look smaller than we are and try to hide from situations. When faced with problems, many of us isolate ourselves rather than turning to friends. Many of us don't stand tall and proud.

Don't you sometimes wonder what's happened to make us turn our backs on behaviors that, in the animal kingdom, are necessary to our survival?

Stand tall and proud.

Laughter

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One of the most important lessons I've learned from my children is also one of the simplest: Remember to laugh hard and often.

Our son has one of the most infectious laughs we've ever been lucky enough to hear; he laughs from deep within. There's no tittering or giggling or chuckling or snickering for him. His laugh is more of a guffaw; a loud, boisterous, long laugh that often gets others joining in without even knowing why. It's a joy to behold. But perhaps what impresses me the most is that he hasn't tamed his laugh with age and it's pretty much the same now that he's a teenager as it was when he was a youngster.

Many of us reel in our laugh as we mature and I find myself wondering why. I think our son is the wise one here...though please don't tell him as his teenage brain already has him believing that he knows more than do his dad and I!

Remember to laugh 

loud and long.

The Fire Within

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As I was staring into a campfire the other day I started thinking how everything needs the right amount of sustenance and support to survive - even fire. Without enough oxygen to breathe and timber to consume, even something as powerful as fire cannot survive.

The same thing is true of our spirit; this is the fire within us and it, too, needs sustenance and support if it is to flourish. And, just as some people are better than others at building and maintaining a fire, so too are some better than others at building and supporting our spirit. We've all known those who are so full of grace that the fires within everyone around them flourish. And then we've seen others who seem to suck the life out of everyone in their path.

We talk about people who are 'good human beings' and I wonder if what we mean is that they foster the fire within those they meet. If so, can we say that human beings can become more humane beings by fostering the fires within others?.

Human beings can become more humane beings
by fostering the fires within others.

Waste not, want not

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Animals seem to have such an innate understanding of life that I've often felt we'd learn so much if we'd listen to nature with our eyes as well as our ears.

Take, for example, the okapi. It's an elusive animal that was one of the last species to be discovered. Its closest relative is the giraffe though it actually looks like it's been made up of spare parts from a zebra, a bongo, and a giraffe. In fact, it's like a walking advertisement for 'Waste not, want not'. In this day and age when we seem to discard so much, I find myself wondering if life would be improved for all of us if we learned from the okapi.

Waste not, want not.

Slippery Slope

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I've learned so many lessons from our children. One of my favorites happened a few years ago when we were playing in the snow.

Our youngest was having trouble walking up the sledding hill. Her sister watched for a few minutes then grabbed a sled,  grabbed her sister and dragged her up the slope. The two of them then laughed the whole way down with our dog running beside them all the way.

I'll never forget watching my little ones on that snowy day. And what fascinated me the most was that our older daughter has some significant challenges of her own, but she just saw her sister struggling and rose to the occasion. I learned that day that life is a slippery slope with promises of bumps and bruises, but we can all make it to the top if we remember to help each other.

Life is a slippery slope with promises of bumps and bruises,

but we can all make it to the top if we remember to help each other.